Doubtful Thoughts, ... Regrets ?

Dang ! I havent blogged in a minute ! but maybe cus nothing much has been going on . well sorta , i dropped lovell and met this guy . funny cus, lovell wants me back . and i dont want him . and its even HILAAARIOUS cus i used to like him SOOO much ! omg, soo much , but anyways, new guy is awesome . well its the beggining of course he would be . but anyways, he just got out of a two year relationship, liiike late january . and we've been talking since like february 9th . and i dont think that was enough time for him to be ... idk, detached from her ? i mean, he still loves her, i dont have a problem with that, but a TWO YEAR relationship, like a SERIOUS relationship, and then less than a month later, he's all into me . it just seems too good to be true . theres alot of details i left out of why this relationship between me and him is complicated but anyways, i went to her facebook page and whatever and she still loves him ! like a whole lot ! and what they had was special; it seems . and here i come, all draggin along with my lonely self ... and they have a kid together ! i dont know if i can do that ! i mean, his child is NOT the problem, i LOVE children, but its just that i personally think, he might wanna ... take some time to think about what he's doing ? cus i mean, they love each other, and they've only been seperated for a little more than a month, and you shoudlnt give up on love like that ! && im also scared because i feel as though, if we're together, and he decides that he really is in love with her still, and leaves me, MYYY feeelings are gonna get hurt, and then ima feel like a dumbass cus i shouldve known on the first place that they love each other, and i should NOT be the one to come in between them . i just feel like a mistake . a big BIG mistake . *sigh ...

Most Beautiful, ...

OMG so I'm coming from track practice right, walking down Florida ave to go to the station, and at that particular avenue, they play loud gogo while crackheads and crazy unks dance . so i'm walking and whatever, crossing the street from the cvs, and theres this unk, but i pay him no mind so anyway, I heard this voice to my left, and it was singing . && I mean SINGING . like blowin out vocals ! it was this man, or young man, idk ... he was too far away to see, but I could hear him loud and clearly . i dont know if he was a unk too or not, i didnt really care . so my dumbass stops like in the middle of the intersection, because his singing was so beautiful and mezmorizing ! and I'm just keep staring, && he's blowing out such sweet wonderful melodies and chords, my mind is just lost, but my feet keep moving so then i bump into something, and it was the unk from before ! i said umm ew, excuse me lol && keep walking to the station .

that man could SINGG . so gorgeous, so beautiful . i dont know who he is, and i know I'll never find out, .. but I hope he's there again sometime, ...

I AM Imperfect .

and I'm not satisfied all the time, but me is all i got, and all I have . and I only have this one chance to be me and do it to the best of my ability . because I have one life . im not gonna be perfect . never . thats a damn guranteed . I'm not the prettiest thing out here, I'm not the greatest friend, and i'm not the greatest daughter . I'm not the best person, even when I try to be . I'm just a human . Human . all I am . I have a speech impediment . I stutter . it's really embarrassing because people choose to laugh at me . and thats why sometimes I dont ask things or am quiet at times because I know that i'm going to stutter . like I can feel it on the tip of my tongue . and I choose to be quiet . i hate that I have it . I also have big feet . and I dont have many cool shoes because of this . yes, I shop at payless, and chucks surely do me some justice . but sometimes I want to be girly and wear heels and sexy pumps .. but I can never . because they dont have them in my size . what is a girl supposed to do ? I cant wear chucks to a wedding ? not to church, not when giving a formal speech . is that why boys don't like me ? because I can't be sexy ? or because they dont like girls with bigger feel than themselves ? they don't like girls who wear dirty chucks with writings on them ? well there is my flaw . stutterer with big feet and small boobs . yeah . they make fun of me for that too . my breasts are small . they are . i used to be ashamed . i use to pray for bigger boobs . but not all prayers get answered ? sometimes, I still AM ashamed . people just make stupid comments .

"can I give you some of mine?"

"why are you boobs so small ??"

"hey did you know your boobs are really small ?"

"I'm sorry, I know I keep saying it, but ummmm ... youre tits are so little lol"

oh, I'm sorry ! I'm blind ! no, I didnt know they were that small ! oops, MY BAD, theyre so small I forget them bad boys were there ! what the fuck . people dont realize that the comments they make really do have affect on people . but life ... is most definetly life .

Call me Mommy LOL jkkkk ...

isnt he a cutiee ??

And This Is What I Do For You ...

and you and you and youuu . I never feel aprreciated . I always pay attention, always here to listen, never to blow you off, you can always trust me, I will never give you up, and this is what I get ? . Geez .
Same game, same players . I'm always crying, I'm always upset, I'm never happy anymore, I don't care about anything anymore. Yeah, I was right .

New Year, New Me .

This IS new . I've never been so unhappy, I've never cried so much in such a short period of time. Everythings going downhill, down the drain. Things don't work out for me, I'm never appreciated, never cared about, no one doesn't show any love to me . I've never experienced love before. But I sure am waiting . I'm hoping it feels better than what i'm going through cus i feel like shit. I am some shit . My life is some shit . This year has started off horribly so far . It just feels like the world is just saying fuck you, so i'm just saying it back . I get fed up with everything, it's like ... I don't know . I just need a hug maybe ? But all I have is me . and that's the only one I need to love me back . I'm satisfied with just that .

I just be getting so angry, that I can't breathe and I start shaking, and my tears flow uncontrollably. I dont know why I get like that, and then i get these terrible headaches from getting so angry in the first place . I hate feeling like that because I feel out of control . I just pray and hope that things get better ...

whatever .

&& She Continues To Blow ....

why does she keep doing this ? She just blows like , .. my life . my everyday . just me . wdf . is this like her purpose in life now ? does she have NOTHINGGGG else to do with herself ?

this son of a gun .. left ME in the freezing cold . while she went to the mall .

for a fucking HOUR . my stepdad had to come get me ! like we were supposed to go to the freakin Verizon store to get me a new phone, I'm on the bus and I tell her I'm like 5min away . she doesnt respond . I call her cell phone . no answer . call the house twice . no fuckingggg answer . i call her work phone, thennn she wants to answer . I argue, I get mad, I kirk off . she told me to go wait in a motherfucking burger king ! the BURGER KING !! ughhh !! I can't STAND her mann .. why the fuck would she do that . so much for living in west bubble fuck . it's so stupid and fucking lame in Accokeek . it's dumb as shit ! DON'T COME HERE ! YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED !!

But anyways, my life like ... completely sucks . I'm almost 16, and still stuck in these dumb ass dilemmas .

Ahh ... fuck this shit .

Hop Off My Fat Penis Mommm ...

Like geez man, what the heckk .. we've already been through this .

okay so i have "American Hoes" on my red chuck .... she keeps askin, why is that on there ? people gonna think you have a bad reputation, that isnt good, blah blah BLAHHHHHH !!

okay, 1st off, I could care less what people think, its MY friggin shoe,

and IDK why I put that on there, I just felt like it ! Leave me alone ! it just two words, she acts

like it says Fuck Bitches Get Money, orrr .... I love Penis, idk, but she trippin ! goshh, it's not even that serious . I'm a teenager, I'm GONNA do some things she doesnt understand. Ima do things even I won't understand. sooo ... she needs to hop of my wee wee and just let it go .

Aye Aye Yo !

Mannn ... it's just real real funny ... how . I was real pressed at first . now its like ... I dont give a fuck . you can stay . you can leave . you dont have to talk to me ever again . or you can text me 24hours a day if you want . you can lie . you can be real . i just really ... really ... dont give a damn . lol anddd ... i just dont understand how ... the way I feel can change so quickly ... like it didnt even happen in the 1st place . it's like, my feelings have disappeared . i mean, yeahh ... i still like you and all but ... they just not as hot as they used to be . the flames died down baby . what happened ? you tell me this time . its o9 baby . you can play games but i'm not . i gave you the deal . i'm here . i'm real . this is me . now it's your turn . but listen,

you do you . and tell me what you want . cus if it isn't this, ... then I ain't trippin .

things happen ,

Lovell

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems ...

Just no money, just alot of problems . the championships sucked . i certaintly sucked . mannn ... it feel like I fail at every fucking thing I do . I don't get good grades . I came in close to last . according to my mom, I can't do nothing right . my brother has everythingg mann . this lil nigga got a laptop, he's 12 ... im almosy 6teen yung, all i got is a ipod, cam && a cell phone . he got all 3 plus this damn laptop, a tv thats flatout that got CABLE, my tv just play movies and got 2 channels yung, what thee fuckk . he got money, he make honor roll, sonnn he be goin to parties and shitt ... lol yung, i'm not even hatinn ... this yung nigga ballinnn ... i give him his props .

he tite lol . I'm not necessarily comparing him to me, .. its just that ... idkk mann .. i'm always on punishhmentt . im not a bad kid . my grades just be fucked up . not eeven bad though, i got one B and the rest c's on my report card . my brova be bussin out A's and B's and sht . my mova aint do NOO better than me in high school, why cant she just accept im not good in some subjects ?

I do my best mann ... and she just cant accept that . oh well yung, ... i'm me . Nalani . her first born . her failure . her own personal Fiasco .

but fuck that, .. this is all I got .

I Laugh Myself Silly, ...

LOL LMAO LMFAO LLS !!

I'm such a silly little girl ! I'm so paranoid, and I be trippinnnnn .....
I see everything so negative ...
and it really be positive ....
ahhh, you guys dont get it . it's an insider . between me and I . Him and me .

I'm just love's fool is all .... =]]] .