.

It's just a feeling ...

that,

He Doesn't love Me Anymore .

Look at my life, and I Chuckle ...

So my mom finally finds about my tattoo . and she asked why didnt i tell her earlier . and i said if i told you earlier, would you have been as mad ? she didnt answer . oh, thats what i thought bitch . im NOT stupid . i know and know what not to tell you . so anyways, my life is ruined . she said she doesnt want me anymore . shes tired of me . she doesnt want me in her house . wow . i was a bit shocked, like ... it all comes down to this . i didnt cry . in front of her at least . once i got into the train station with trenee i started BALLIN out tears young omg mann . like what the fuck, i dont wanna go live with my father ! in the fuckin ALABAMA ! i just started crying about everything ! all the ones imma miss . morgan shelby omo, mina, cha, cherri, fi, kenny, mann all of fuckin banneker and jus whole dc and md period . i started cryin even harder when loe popped up into my mind . i cant leave him .. noo not now, not fcking ever . i love that boy young, and we just started out, andd ... i just cant . i canNOT . i never knew my ma would even make me endure something like this . im only 16 . why is she sending me away ? she cant handle me ? i mean, im not a problem child . at least, i didnt think i was . i get good grades, never a problem in school, i dont disrespect anyone, i follow directions . ya know . but i guess, im just not good enough . so i called my father when i got to the movie theater and we had a nice long talk and whatever . he wasnt mad, he said just surprised and a bit diapoointed . he said i was still dumb though lol still young and dumb lol but at least hes udnerstanding . more than my mom will ever be . he said he loves me . i believe him . i love him too . and its funny because me and him used to have a bad relationship . and now its swtiched . but anyways, im moving . away . i never knew, ... i'd go through trials tribulations like this . ive been through ALOT . more than anyone of my parents will understand . but i'm good . this is a process . and i'm learning . i guess . i'm just paying the consequnces right now . but i'm good . all i have, is myself in this world . just me myself, and my angels ..

So basically ...

Things never change . we still ... suck at this communication . he still doesn't answer or probably ignore my text/messages . I still don't care . I'm still not leaving him . for a reason I don't know . I'm still annoyed by this relationship . I still ... really don't wanna be in one . Honestly . so whyyy am I still in it . Because I STILL wanna be with him . becaue I, Nalani Hobbs, STILL thinks that things will change between us and get better ! ...

but it STILL doesn't ...

which still fucking sucks .

whoaa ...

what broad burned Q's clothes ??

if it was even Q ... ?

I need the storyy //

Ayeee .. I'm Coolin'

lol like seriously .

I'm good .
no worries,
no doubts,
no cares,
no trippin',
noo nothings .

I'm Straight .

Finally,

Ughhh, so wishy washyy !!

I hate when I'm like this !

like sometimes I feel like I wanna get in shape, like i WANNA be sexy or have a great bod and whatever nd then theres other days wehn its like mannn i dont even give a fuck, ima be me, && etc. then once i get to those stages i start feelin all sloppy cus everyone gettinready for the summer, and here i am runnin track, not lookin ANY different from the BEGINNING of the year and whatever . its utterly ridiculous . because i wanan be beautiful, i wanna hot, i wanna be sexy blah blah blahhhhhhh ....


anddd ...

i never do it .

It's 12:22 AM ...

&& I'm thinking, ... what do I want .

&& I'm scared to find out . because what I want, I can't have because it isn't realistic because I'm in a situation where I just can't get it .
I hate this .
I hate this .
I hate this .

I mean, ... hey, I can get what I want, trust and belieeeeve That ,
but when I get that, what follows up, are the consequences .
am i willing to suffer to get this ?
pros && cons ?

life isn't hard, but it's definetly challenging .
decisions .
decisions .
decisions .

ARGGH !
SO FRUSTRATING !